Wednesday, September 14, 2005

A true statement. A solemn feeling. A great gorramn movie.

Once upon a time.

Take my love,

Remember, back through the days. Remember back to your first kiss. But not the first kiss that you had ever experienced, not the first little peck that someone happened to slap upon your cheek without a care. Please, remember back to the first kiss that meant something.

Take my land,

The one that sucked your world away, took everything from you, only to give it back again.

Take me where I cannot stand.

The one that made your knee’s weak. To the point where motion has gone beyond anything that resembles meaning, where nothing is and everything is true and wonderful. The place where your knees fail.

I don’t care, I’m still free.

But the place where your mind is alive. Your mind, and your skin. Your skin is dancing, confused perhaps, but happy, happy, happy, happy…

You can’t take the sky from me.

I saw a film tonight. A film, a movie, a flick, a projection, a print, a camera, a page. An idea. I saw it. But oh my…oh my friends, my compatriots, my partners in crime, whatever you may be to me, whatever you may hope to be…I did so much more. I felt it.

I have felt Serenity.

Take me out to the black,

I am a man of words. They form what I am. They form what I can be. They form what I want. They form what I need. They form everything and nothing that I have ever thoughtfeltexperiencedtouchedlivedsmelledtasteddrankatedrovewalkedlivedlivedlived.

I want to write. I can never seem to truly speak my feelings, I always bottle them away, beneath that glossy veneer of sarcasm and flesh, I keep myself locked away. Few have seen my true face. As is it is, with the people around me. We all have our secrets, we all tell our lies, we’re lost in the woods. Way of the world. Right?

But when I write…oh my, oh me, oh you. I can say it. I can touch it, I can taste it. I don’t know if I write well, and I don’t fucking care, all that matters to me is in these words. This is me, and if you don’t like it…then you probably didn’t get this far. Such it is, with men like that.

I love language.

I have touched Serenity.

I want to tell you all that this means.

And I cannot seem to find my words.

Tell them I ain’t coming back.

I cannot find them. But I sure as shit wouldn’t be a Browncoat if I didn’t gorramn try.

I saw a film tonight. Oh my, oh me, oh you, oh us. I saw it, and I felt it. I felt it as much as anything that I have felt in my entire life. When I sat there in the theater, I found that my legs could simply not function. They were there, I knew they were. I had felt them as I had walked in, I had felt them as I had walked to the door, I had felt them as I placed them too my knees as I waited five hours to be the very first in line. But they were gone. And then they were forgotten.

Like that moment when those sweet sweet lips touched mine, those years ago. When my knees were gone. When my legs were gone. When they didn’t matter.

When I boiled with sensation. That was I then. This is me now. My legs were gone, are gone. And my skin is alive.

Oh my.

Burn the land and boil the sea,

Miranda, I gaze upon the searing white that is your face. The glare that you give off, it makes me wince, and yet I cannot seem to look away. Miranda, you gaze at me, and I look deep into you. I see your true face. The rot that lies within.

I remember waiting. I remember living. I remember sitting and watching, and passing the time. I saw other films, movies, flicks. I saw them, and I loved them. I saw other things. I saw people. I loved people. I saw things. You get the idea. I think you do. I think we’re getting somewhere.

I have dreamed Serenity.

And I waited. I waited for three years for this day. This day to finally come.
And here I am, this very moment, seeing it all for the first time. All of it.

The whole gorramn world.

You can’t take the sky from me.

It’s not enough to say that I cried. I cry when I think, I cry when I laugh, I cry when I catch a true glimpse of the night sky. But those have never been true tears. Those were the gentlest of mists, a hint of moisture that adorned my face. They got the point across, but they never let it out. They have always been crocodile tears, save for a few precious times in my life when it truly came forth. When my eyes opened up, and the fullest extent of that water that means as much to life as any pure rainfall came tumbling out.

When the true extent of that lifesong was set free.

I wept tonight. I might weep now. But not through horror, not through pain, not through tragedy, not through injustice, not through hate.

I wept through the purest and most sincere beauty. Because of it. Because in that place, in that world, I found it all.

There’s no place I can be,

I found my laughter. I found my tears. I found my freedom. I found my pain. I found my trust. I found my fear. I found my courage. I found my doubt. I found my belief.

I found my love damnit, my love of all things. I WANT TO SING IT TO THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD! I LIVE, I LOVE, I DREAM!

When I sat in that chair, I couldn’t even hope of moving. I wouldn’t couldn’t shouldn’t.
But now, now, now…oh my oh me oh you oh us oh Joss!

It’s a part of me now. It’s in my skin, I can feel it humming all around me. In the theatre I couldn’t move, wouldn’t couldn’t shouldn’t. Now it’s all that I can do.

I can’t stop moving, I can’t stop running my hands all over the flesh that is my face, running my fingers through the shortness of my hair, running my eyes all over the substance of the room objectsinspacebitsfluidswhat AM I???


And so are you, my dearests, so are you.

Since I found Serenity.

There it is. There it is indeed.
Once upon a time, there lived a show on a little network called Fox. The show was beaten, the show was discarded. But the show was loved. Oh, how that show was loved. The treatment left a bad taste in the hearts and minds of those who had loved it so. They tried and they cried, they did everything they could to get it back, to get rid of that feeling that tainted their memories of the show so.

Here it is.

Once upon a time, once upon a midnight dreary, I would have told you to find Serenity. To touch it for yourselves, to make it a success.

And now?

Now I don’t care. See it if you want, love it if you want, live it if you need. I’ve gone beyond that. I have found my beloved film. The best film of the year? Of course. This isn’t such a trivial matter.

This isn’t a box office gross, this isn’t a marketing ploy, this isn’t a top ten list.

This is the heart of one man reaching out to millions of others. Who believed just as he did. Who wanted something just like he did.

And now we have it. We can get more, that much is certain. But if it ends here…

We HAVE done the impossible. And oh my oh me, oh you, oh us…
Oh Joss Whedon…That makes us oh, so, mighty.

You can’t take the sky from me.


Blogger Duvy said...

This must be what going mad feels like.

10:40 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home